So I've been a bit interested in writing for the past year...and I'm giving a shot at it. The story is about a girl named Violet with a special talents. Supernatural, you could say. In this version of the world, people with her talents are spread out far and wide, and the birth of one happens randomly...but there is only one new one born every year. None of them have any connection with each other. Each person has a different version of the talent. (ex. People who can see the future, people who can hear other's thoughts, super speedy people, invisibles, stuff like that... BUT NO VAMPIRES ARE MENTIONED IN THIS STORY. Anyways, the government and the families of those with talents are the only ones aware of this. And there's an organization in the government called The Division. They are destined to take away those with "talents" so they can be tested and basically kept in cages for the rest of their lives. So Violet and her mother, and small sister Cassie, are constantly running away from The Division. They circulate through the United states all the time, but this story particularly focuses on them moving to Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. throughout the story, she has to cope with a new school, new friends, running from the division, staying hidden, and a few unexpected surprises. Here's the beginning chapter. Hope you enjoy :) Beginning page: Regular humans are constantly born into this world every second of every day and night. This rule also applies to the ones who are constantly dying and leaving this world, on their way to something better, more extravagant….. The truth to the unusual, or abnormal humans is that once a year, a new unusual is born. Born into a world of despair, a world of hate, and a world of running from the ones who claim they care about you. Born into a world that there’s no way to escape from…no way to lose your existence. You grow, and grow, and finally end at 17, where you will remain for the rest of eternity. Whether that may be one day, or a million to suffer from. Chapter 1: Another new life My weary head throbbed with searing pain as my mother, me, and my small sister Cassie casually strutted in between large crowds of travelers. This time we were headed to Philly, Pennsylvania. Another life and school to enter despite my urge to leave my family behind. I peered to my left at large jets lining up to greet the morning passengers. Carefully, I studied each to identify numbers on the lower right side of the fuselage. In an eighth of a second, I identified plane number 1813 and tugged mother on her bony shoulder. “I found our plane,†I informed her. “Quick timing sweetie.†She glared at me, disappointed. “Good job.†With a sigh and one of her signature eye-rolls, mother passed Cassie’s stroller to me and found our place in the boarding line. I could tell mother had been tired of listening to my “talents†growing stronger. She had only wished that I wasn’t born with them in the first place. Mother’s tired face had drained all happiness. Skin wrinkles hung below her small emerald eyes which had even seemed to lose the vibrant color that had filled them before. Her long brown hair flowed in tangles as if it had never been cared for. Father’s sudden absence had taken mother’s life with him. A small, frail woman replaced the lively one who loved me. Cassie peered up at me from the stroller, her face enlightened with excitement. I adored her, for she hadn’t been born as an unusual. Although, she had a unique way of communicating with those around her. She couldn’t verbally talk to those around her, but her eyes had always shown her emotions. Like a drawing displayed for all to see. I envied Cassie’s astonishing looks. Golden hair that hung in defined curls, and deep blue ocean eyes that reminded me of my father. The child’s bright pearl teeth were a candle that could light up any room. Whenever I’d peer into her extravagant eyes, it felt as if my father had never left. We’d been doing this ever since I was Cassie’s age. Disappearing from one world, to the next every few months. Constantly circulating throughout the country so I wouldn’t be found… As the line of passengers began boarding the plane, I wondered if this would last forever. If the never-ending traveling would ever end. Would I spend my life running from The Division? Maybe they were already following me in this very airport. Maybe they were tracking my every move at this very moment. I jumped at the slight thought of being taken away by them. Maybe I could be dreaming. Maybe I was a regular girl sunken deep into a tragic coma…maybe I’d wake up any second and finally feel secure again. But this was all too real. I felt certain that the mind surely wasn’t capable of piecing together this chilly fear inside me. Also, I know this is a little messed up. I have done NO editing so far, this is just a rough draft. I'm only 13...and I barely have any experience. I know it's a little sketchy and out- there, but i'm MONTHS away from finishing the entire story. I hope it's not too bad...
Books & Authors - 3 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1
This Story Is So Real! When I Was Reading It! It Felt Like I Was There! It Was The Best Story Ever!! Keep Writing More Stories Like That!
2
In the midst of your writing, I came up with a great scene for my own story! ANYWAY: -I found out plane," I informed her. Just put said. It's bad to replace it all the time. And informed just sounds... off. -"Quick timing sweetie." Um... never in my life have I hear anyone say that. how about: "Great timing, sweetie." -Show not tell. Look it up. -You're giving us too much info so early in the story. You've answered all the reader's dawning questions, making the reader not intrigued to read more. -The part where you described the girl's teeth as a candle was odd. Over all score: Needs work. Rate 1-10: 5 (Don't worry. I'm VERY tough with my ratings.) Good Luck! :)
3
Needs some editing, but really a good original story. I like it.
